The Dog with Issues

Lately, I've been a part of numerous discussions on the topic of relationships, both romantic and on a friendship basis.  What's crazy about relationships is that everything is connected. What I mean is that all our previous experiences directly affect our ability to relate to people in our current circumstances.

The Dog
A real basic example: My apartment is in the bottom level of a house.  I'm good friends with my upstairs neighbors and occasionally we get together.  A few months ago they brought a dog home from the pound.  He's a small dog and a mix of some sort, but he's very smart.  They named him Bugsy.  I've always loved animals and  was looking forward to good times with him, but this dog had issues. He's not the most friendly dog, but he generally gets along just fine with others, although he always seems to distrust men - giving them extra space. But what's annoying is that he totally hates me!  I've never done a thing to him and he totally freaks out when I enter the room.  At first, his owners would pick Bugsy up and let me hold him.  Bugsy would sit in my lap stiff as a board and soon start shaking from apparent fear and then jump off my lap as soon as I gave him the freedom.  I figured that love respects others wounds (even dogs) so I'd give the animal some emotional space by not approaching the dog in any way.  I then decided to give Bugsy a special treat whenever I have the time, but I always do it in a way that doesn't crowd his space.  He's now come to the place of trust where he actually has followed me into my apartment recently while I was getting his treat for him, which is completely amazing.  He's slowly learning to trust me, although he wouldn't even think of letting me pet him. Its quite obvious that Bugsy has had some bad experiences with someone who looks a lot like me and has simply transfered his issues on to me.

My Point
As humans we have an even greater capacity and internal memory of previous experiences then animals.  And these experiences have shaped how we currently relate to people.  This is a universal issue for human relationships.  If you have any amount of self awareness then you recognize at least a little of your inability to respond well under certain normal circumstances.  Most people call this a phobia. It's slightly humorous, and I have to laugh at my own phobias.  If you aren't convinced you have a phobia then check out this link - scroll down for an alphabetically organized list of phobias for just about everything you can think of.

Let Me Repeat Myself
As I mentioned above - all our previous experiences directly affect our ability to relate to people in our current circumstances.  I believe phobias are simply external objects/people/circumstances that trigger our internal fear (whether or not the object is actually dangerous).  And because this fear is rooted in past experiences, we will not overcome these fears unless we either experience unconditional love, face the circumstances and walk through it safely, or both. If you question the healing power of love, then read 'Only Love Can Make a Miracle ~ Mahesh Chavda. Often, forgiveness plays a large role in this too, and forgiveness in the heart is much deeper then only a mental choice

A couple of scriptures that come to mind are -  'Love never fails (God's love for us and our love for others)', 'Be not over come with evil, but overcome evil with good', and, 'perfect love drives out fear' (Rom 12:21, 1 Cor 13:8, 1 John 4:18).













 

Life is Short, Break all the Rules.

As was shown in Ray's post, sin is not what we want to worry about.  Being overly preoccupied with sin actually causes us to give into it.  Fighting sin wears us out. Making rules against it actually makes sin more attractive.

The other day I sat down for supper.  I had made fish and had bought a jar of tarter sauce for the occasion.  For some strange reason, this jar had 'Do Not Freeze' written in bold letters around the neck. As I looked at the jar I got this urge to freeze it, just to see what would happen.  I mean I've frozen jars before - what's the big deal with the tarter sauce.  I couldn't help but laugh at myself.

A few days ago I saw an elderly, ornery looking guy (he had to be well over 50) wearing a T-shirt that said: 'Life is short, break all the rules'.  I just stood there and looked at him for while, smiling. Thankfully he didn't notice my grin.

There's this dichotomy of either or.  You either try to keep all the rules (or as many as you can) or you just go ahead and do whatevertheheckyouwant.  The interesting thing about this is that neither one of these perspectives is what brings life and freedom. Of course there is the 'easy grace' teaching but that's an old subject that doesn't bring about the freedom and life of Jesus in our hearts either.

In James chapter 1 we read that its the testing of our faith that produces patience (endurance), and its when this endurance becomes fully developed that we become perfect. I remember asking the Lord what this means.... I mean really, how does patience make us perfect?  Some time later the following thoughts came to mind.  Isaiah says that 'all our righteousness is as dirty rags' before the Lord, so becoming perfect is not something we do.  We know that 'Abraham believed God and God counted it to to him as righteousness.  We also know that righteousness only comes through faith in Jesus' gift of His body and blood, and that without the shedding of blood we have no forgiveness for our sins.

I'll sum it up this way ~ Our choice to believe in our hearts (faith) opens the door for us to receive the gift of Jesus' righteousness, forgiveness and victory over sin. And its walking in this place of deepening relationship that brings about the ongoing redemption of Jesus through His Spirit in us.  Our bodies are actually meant to be a temple of the Holy Spirit (or presence of God) 1 Cor 6:19.   The Lord actually WANTS to be with us - which is why He sent His Son to die for us in the first place.  But most of us settle for trying to be good once were saved.  AAAAaaaahhhhh.  I don't even want to think about that last sentence, its SO EVIL because its SO subtle - just the way the Devil tempted Adam and Eve in the garden - he said: if you eat this you won't die but you will have understanding and 'know the difference between good and evil'. And we are still seeking the knowledge of good and evil, and then we wonder why we don't have power or freedom!  

So now the question and focus is no longer about how right or wrong are actions are (good or evil) but whether we will walk with the door (faith) of our heart open, receiving the life, love and victory that Jesus wants to give us. Its 'in Him that we are to live and move and have our being', (Acts 17:28).

Faith in Jesus as our 'righteousness' connects us to our Father and allows us to receive the Life which produces freedom and good fruit, like - Love, Joy, Peace, etc.

Jesus said that without faith its impossible to please God.  And then in Rom 14:23 Paul says that whatever is not of faith is sin.

If our focus is on the things we do (and we end up reducing the New Testemate to a list of do's and don'ts  similar to that of the Old Testement), and then we let our interpretation of our performance determine our identity, we have lost the battle already because there is no power or real room for faith when we focus on our actions.  When we turn our focus on Jesus in faith, opening up our hearts in humility realizing we need to receive from Him continually - anything is possible - but most importantly we learn to know Him as a person, we begin to experience His touch and His transformation in our hearts and begin to truly love Him because we are letting Him love us.  And as we get our identity from what He says about us, our actions begin changing.

Its kinda like a branch trying to grow fruit without being connected to the tree.  If a branch isn't receiving life (and it seems few Christians can receive anything, not even a compliment) then it can't produce fruit although it might try to look like it is.

Recorded for a sound check for Integrity Live's "Deeper Worship"

Where Victory Is Found

A friend of mine writes the following account of his personal experience.  As I mentioned in the last post - this story has deeply impacted my own experience and has given me direction on my own spiritual journey since.

This revelatory type of vision was probably 20 years ago when I struggling with an area of sin in my life.  I realized I didn’t believe what Jesus said when he mentioned that 'where sin abounds, grace does much more abound (Romans 6), instead, I was choosing to believe what my circumstances where telling me which was: 'where grace abounds sin much more abounds' - the opposite of what Jesus taught.  You could also say that instead of believing 'greater is He that is in me then he that is in the world' I was believing the exact opposite because my faith was continually tested by my circumstances. I chose to believe my circumstances instead of trusting God's word.  

I feel it may be helpful to discuss the definition of sin – I will do that at the conclusion.

One night I went to bed thinking about the struggle I was facing.  I had a dream/vision where I found myself in a boxing ring with an opponent that was skillful in his approach to boxing, doing good footwork and dancing about taunting me to swing at him. He was wearing a shirt that had a logo similar to how your local school might appear, but instead of a school name, there was the word ‘SIN’ in big capitol letters. I was getting extremely tired from swinging at him when he finally (in a moment of vulnerability and while I was actually leaning into him) gave me an uppercut and knocked me to the mat.  I landed with my head on the mat in my own corner with my legs extended to the center of the ring without a corner man to attend to me.  I realized Jesus was really my corner man, but He was outside the ring with His head at mat level, whispering into my ear saying; sin shall no longer have dominion over you (Romans 6:14). 

At some point I realized that as I started to swing at him, my swings (both lefts and rights) were actually my attempts to be the best Christian as possible by controlling my behavior in my own strength and will power as well as trying defeat SIN.

I was kinda shocked because, as in my life experience, sin was not only winning but almost knocked me out. So I got up and stood there starring at him as he continued taunting me – trying to get me to keep up my unsuccessful attempts at hitting him some more.  I thought to myself:  if he hasn't got any dominion over me than why am I even fighting in this ring? So I began taking off my boxing gloves while saying "I am no longer fighting you”. As I said that I noticed that a string similar to a fishing line was attached to him in puppet fashion. It extending into a square hole in the ceiling which a slightly larger person was holding.  This person (holding the strings to the puppet) then proceeded to look up at another person and said, "he knows" referring to me. This other person in the upper ceiling space then jumped down onto the boxing ring and stood looking at me saying, "now you have to deal with me". I noticed he had a shirt with writing on it as well but on his shirt was written DEATH.  That was how it ended. 

The Lord was trying to instruct me that He disarmed and broke the power of sin over all who accept and trust His sacrifice.  We are not to wrestle with flesh and blood because we will never win that battle. Romans 6:6, 12, 18, and Romans 8:3 (Amplified Bible is clearer). Since sin's dominion was stripped of its power over a true believer, (Phillipians 3:3, and Colossians 2:15 Amplified Bible), we are now engaged in a warfare with death, which is the last enemy to be put under his feet, 1 Corinthians 15:26.

I came to realize as well that by trying to fight the battle of flesh and blood and wrestling with sin that I was partaking of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil which is cursed. Jer 17:5 says cursed is the man that trusts in man. The Lord proceeded to tell me that I must trust the Holy Spirit to discern Life and death - not good and evil.

Written by Ray Goulet

 

If playback is occasionally interrupted start the player and then pause it for a little while so that the media stream can get ahead of the player. 

Good News & More

Paul says:  For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation...

(Romans 1:16).

The 'Good News' is the power of God 'in us' to save us from sin and its affect on us, its much more then simply getting into heaven! Jesus says that getting saved is like being born again - this time of the Spirit (John 3:1-21).  Salvation is being born as a child into a new family - its entering a whole new journey of learning to know/trust the heart and mind of a perfect Father.

A very basic part of this new journey is understanding victory over sin.

This is a subject that I've been praying about for the last few weeks.  What I write on this subject will be from my experience combined with that of a friend (Ray Goulet).  Its a result of the growth in our heart understanding/experience of what Jesus teaches us.  Ray is a friend I met a few years ago - one of those relationships that 'you know are of God' and you end up staying in contact with and visiting occasionally. Ray is from the New Hampshire area - which is great since our relationship gives me a good excuse to visit a beautiful state once in a while.

My last post (about the experience with the presence of evil) was an experience that deeply impacted me and changed my perspective and my values.  Having grown up in a religious, formal setting I mostly had a theology for the power of God to bring freedom to my heart, but not a real experience or practical application of it. Emphasis was on appearance - hard work/discipline and meeting the expectations of others - particularly those of the church.  If you could measure up to the expectations of others you got blessed with their approval - so I learned how to do that well.  A few of my friends weren't so lucky and I watched as they were bumped around by a system of belief that has become quite damaging and powerless in light of what Jesus Christ teaches. However, to say I got through unscathed  would be like saying:  living in an environment of very unhealthy expectations where the amount of love given is based on my performance really had no negative impact on me.  Any professional psychologist would have a good laugh at my attempt to avoid the obvious.

Having left the organized church system for some time now, and having visited a number of other church systems, I've found that as part of human nature, we settle for a system/program that appears easy instead of developing actual relationship that are safe, and heart issues are discussed openly.  In fact - the church I grew up in seems to be quite healthy in light of many of the places I've been to and observed. Religion* is something that we will naturally resort to as we seek to live without the pain of authentic relationships both with God and others.    

I'm excited about the next post!  Ray will be sharing a story that has impacted me in the past and reveals a truth that continues to go deeper into my heart.  As I walk out what I sense to be true and resonates in my spirit - I find deeper freedom and restoration to my heart.  I love simple truth, and the encounter Ray had with Lord is just that - simple truth that brings freedom and exposes us to a deeper level of biblical truth.

*

1: A form, list of beliefs or priorities which appear right but will not submit to the leadership of Jesus Christ
2: An emphasis on principles instead of God himself.
3: A way to look good or have an appearance of righteousness without dealing with motives of the heart.
4: The weight experienced as a result of taking biblical principles out of context and/or adding to them in order to have an appearance of righteousness.

Stress, Demons & Freedom - In My Own Bedroom. And Phil Wickham, who wasn't in my bedroom, which is good..

I was stressed.  I had a habit of avoiding things in my heart which made me unaware - and besides, guys just don't get stressed.  They get wore out, tired and many other masculine things, but never stressed.

The business I was running was barely a year old, finances were tight due to a recent loss.  I had a truck load of perishable  food that should have been sold that day - it wasn't and I wasn't convinced we were going to be able to.   

    I was also planning a canoe trip as part of a ministry I was a part of.  I had asked another guy to help lead the trip who I really didn't know.  He agreed to help lead.  As we (or 'he' would be more accurate) talked and planned I realized that if I wanted to lead this trip I was going to have to be honest with this individual about the fact that I had asked him to help me lead the trip - not lead it.  My brain was spinning, trying to think of how I was going tell him what I needed to tell him. I was afraid, I didn't want to face conflict.

    It was Wed night and I had just got off the phone after listening to the guy talk for while,  and quite aware of the load that needed to get sold the next day.  I lay down to sleep, sensing something wasn't right in the room but shrugging it off as unimportant.  I drifted off to sleep.  Suddenly I'm wide awake.  The clock shows I've been sleep barely 2 two hours and I realize I never get awake during this time of the night, I'm usually in the deepest part of my sleep.  I KNOW something is weird. I lay awake well over an hour and finally pray myself back to sleep.  Next I find myself standing in the middle of my bedroom.  My small lamp by my bed is on and I see a frog on the wall a few feet above my bed.  I realize it's kinda weird, but I choose to shrug it off - ignore it, its probably nothing.  Looking back I realize that I didn't have any feelings during this time.  I ignore the frog and some time passes.  I'm back in the same spot again looking at a much bigger frog above my bed. It was huge, black, very muscular, and it had very green eyes - reminding me of a cat.  It was staring at me and I still didn't believe it (sometimes I'm a little slow).  I took a couple steps to the side to see if it would turn its head and keep looking at me - it did. Then I found myself back in my bed and in my body again.  I felt this weight above me.  It began to grow - like some unseen pressure was coming down on me. As the pressure intensified I began to squirm, trying to get it off me.  I knew I wasn't going to be able to run from it.  I literally thought I was going to die - something was going to squeeze the life out of me. I began to pray silently and nothing happened.  Then, for some reason I prayed out loud for the blood Jesus to cover me - suddenly it was all over.  I drifted back to sleep.  The next morning found me sitting there crying, thanking God for spilling his blood for my sins. It was as though I got saved all over again. I realized that I would be dead if it wasn't for the blood of Jesus.  

   

Heb 9:22 - without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.

This was just one of the many experiences on my journey in the Lord moving me from a trust in, and an emphasis on righteous principals, rules, and lots of self discipline to trusting Jesus Christ and learning to follow him.

Stress, Demons & Freedom - In My Own Bedroom.

I was stressed.  I had a habit of avoiding things in my heart which made me unaware - and besides, guys just don't get stressed.  They get wore out, tired and many other masculine things, but never stressed.

The business I was running was barely a year old, finances were tight due to a recent loss.  I had a truck load of perishable  food that should have been sold that day - it wasn't and I wasn't convinced we were going to be able to.   

    I was also planning a canoe trip as part of a ministry I was a part of.  I had asked another guy to help lead the trip who I really didn't know.  He agreed to help lead.  As we (or 'he' would be more accurate) talked and planned I realized that if I wanted to lead this trip I was going to have to be honest with this individual about the fact that I had asked him to help me lead the trip - not lead it.  My brain was spinning, trying to think of how I was going tell him what I needed to tell him. I was afraid, I didn't want to face conflict.

    It was Wed night and I had just got off the phone after listening to the guy talk for while,  and quite aware of the load that needed to get sold the next day.  I lay down to sleep, sensing something wasn't right in the room but shrugging it off as unimportant.  I drifted off to sleep.  Suddenly I'm wide awake.  The clock shows I've been sleep barely 2 two hours and I realize I never get awake during this time of the night, I'm usually in the deepest part of my sleep.  I KNOW something is weird. I lay awake well over an hour and finally pray myself back to sleep.  Next I find myself standing in the middle of my bedroom.  My small lamp by my bed is on and I see a frog on the wall a few feet above my bed.  I realize it's kinda weird, but I choose to shrug it off - ignore it, its probably nothing.  Looking back I realize that I didn't have any feelings during this time.  I ignore the frog and some time passes.  I'm back in the same spot again looking at a much bigger frog above my bed. It was huge, black, very muscular, and it had very green eyes - reminding me of a cat.  It was staring at me and I still didn't believe it (sometimes I'm a little slow).  I took a couple steps to the side to see if it would turn its head and keep looking at me - it did. Then I found myself back in my bed and in my body again.  I felt this weight above me.  It began to grow - like some unseen pressure was coming down on me. As the pressure intensified I began to squirm, trying to get it off me.  I knew I wasn't going to be able to run from it.  I literally thought I was going to die - something was going to squeeze the life out of me. I began to pray silently and nothing happened.  Then, for some reason I prayed out loud for the blood Jesus to cover me - suddenly it was all over.  I drifted back to sleep.  The next morning found me sitting there crying, thanking God for spilling his blood for my sins. It was as though I got saved all over again. I realized that I would be dead if it wasn't for the blood of Jesus.  

   

Heb 9:22 - without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.

This was just one of the many experiences on my journey in the Lord moving me from a trust in, and an emphasis on righteous principals, rules, and lots of self discipline to trusting Jesus Christ and learning to follow him.

Water That's Alive

Its interesting that Jesus likened Holy Spirit to water that is alive.  Its like He's telling us about his battery or fuel - what we can receive to run our engine.  So that's a crude illustration, but then again water is kind of too.

John 7:37-39 (NIV)

 ³⁷On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. ³⁸Whoever believes in me, as^[a] the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." ³⁹By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified.


I was having a glass of water the other day and had to think about how our bodies are made up of such a high percentage of water - Babies: 78%, Adult men:60%. (Wiki.answers.com).  I was thinking about how water soaks into every part of our bodies and what it would be like if I let Holy Spirit do the same - soak into every part of my body. 


I think from the Lord's perspective we spend most of our time sitting on the bank of the river.  We look at the river, we study and learn about the river, and we like the sound of the river.  Its peaceful to just sit by the river.  But when someone gets crazy enough to jump in the river we think they are nuts and just want attention, and sometimes that's true.


But for those of us who jump in, well, we really don't know how to swim, much less float on our backs so when we do we usually can't stay in the river real long. It takes a LOT of surrender and trust to live (or maybe I should say die to self) in the river.  And there is no room for control.  Thankfully we can walk in slowly like Ezekiel did in his vision (Ezekial 47:3-5).  


One thing for certain, going to Jesus and receiving Life from Him is impossible unless we believe in our heart and recognize that we need this Life. Simply drawing near with the right words will never be enough  because Jesus will honor our choice to withhold our heart from him, letting us just gather information about Him instead.    




Isaiah 29:13
The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.

Life and Separation from it

In my opinion - sin: what our wrong actions stem from and what cuts us off from God is...

a desire to live without God - or the dependence that brings about a heart connection with a Divine Spirit, connecting us to the Source of Life. 

Its Adam and Eve's act of choosing the tree of the knowledge of good and evil over walking with God. Its choosing good principles and or bad principles without a heart connection or worship of the one who gave us the freedom to pursue them.  

Its anything that takes highest priority in our life other then God.

Separation can simply mean giving Godly principles more focus and attention then God Himself - making his principles into an idol - which is how religion happens and it may be the egg Pharisees hatch from.   

Its - Like John 5:39 says: its reading the bible and thinking that by doing so we have life. This is a common one for us religious people. 

Jesus says that none of these things will give us the Life He wants to give.  The only way we can have that is by coming to Him just as we are - and learning how to live there - receiving our Life from him.  

If we are not changed from the inside out then we are not changed at all, we become a nice looking 'white washed tomb full of dead man's bones'. 

Destiny Part 3

Simply put - one of the clues to watch for that directs us towards our destiny is recognizing the activities that touch our heart or bring the deepest sense of fulfillment.  It could be the things that cause us to 'rise up in righteous anger'.  The later being a sign that the Lord has more healing to do in our heart, but it still can give us some light to what we are called to do.

Like Moses.  He got angry when he saw an Egyptian beating an Israelite, so he up and kills the Egyptian.  He was already trying to respond to what the Lord put in him to do - deliver his people from bondage and mistreatment, even though it wasn't what the Lord had in mind.

What hit me this morning as I was writing in my journal is the part surrender plays in the development of my destiny.  I'm in this situation where I want something that the Lord is isn't giving me right now. The more time goes by, the more I'm realizing how the Lord is using this to change my identity as I surrender to His plans.  He has placed something deep within me that says: I want to be set apart unto the Lord - I want Him to be first and way more important then any other relationship or desire.  And I have this theology/way of thinking that says; yes, if I follow these certain principles that means that I've placed my heavenly Father first.  That's nice and sounds good and really isn't that hard. Keeping a set of beliefs/morals doesn't bring about freedom in our hearts or God's plans for us, and we can do it just to be right and look good. I will hold to my set of beliefs but I won't surrender my right to what I want and let you be my source of life in that place in my heart. 

Thankfully Holy Spirit continues to deliver me from my own twisted theology.

Its your goodness that leads me to repentance. 

  

   

Becoming

Silently I sit, sensing my own deep unwillingness to surrender yet again.


But... I get this sense that... well.... i'm quite sure... 



He wants to be the 'fountain of living water' in my heart.  He wants to be the fulfillment of my deepest desires and longings.  He knows how he made me so he knows what is in my heart, and that I've been created for Him (Love).  And no amount of good thinking will change the desires in my heart, although they can cause us to live in this shallow, 'Mr.happy nice guy' that everyone likes.

So as something that I really desire (a seeminlgy good thing) doesn't come to pass, I find myself getting impatient and then surrendering at a deeper level and then repeating the process over again, and then again. The deeper the surrender the more I get to truly experience the Lord changing my desires and becoming my source of life.  Then I begin to discover that this was what I was created for!  To know and experience the Holy Spirit in my heart in deeper and deeper ways as I learn to trust him.

I've realized how my heart believes that if it had what it longs for it would be satisfied and fulfilled.  This is true!  However what actually happens is that I believe that the fulfillment of its desires are in the wrong place.  I will go to relationships, activities, work, etc. to try to fill a void that only the perfect love of Jesus through his Spirit will ever be able to fill.  Until then, I am left more empty and life-less then we can know.

So I let go of my right to have what I think I need, and I open up that crazy place in my heart to you Holy Spirit. I don't think that dry place has experienced your touch yet so have at it.

Safety?

Its scary to be vulnerable in revealing your heart - even to someone we trust.

Most people (religious organizations especially) will trade dealing with heart issues for the comfort of being theologically right.  Human nature seeks to be right in belief and in appearance.  Human nature is simply content to have a theological basis in which to make right decisions without needing or depending on someone bigger.

When I'm selfish I seek to be right.

Love wants to walk in the light (transparency with regard to motives) and obedience.

When we walk in the light we become dependent on the Giver of Light instead of our own human reasoning, belief systems and other false forms of security and comfort.

We can end up in a place where we feel safe because we have 4 walls around us - which is called a prison. 

Or we can begin to walk towards the light and let God bring things to the surface.

Why Information over Relationship

Here are some great reasons to seek the knowledge of good and evil.

1. We don't need to be dependent on God (except for entrance into heaven of course).

2. It gives us the tools we need to look good to men.

3. It provides a sense of security and safety.

4. Once we've come to a conclusion of what is right and wrong we are now free to judge others (or at least look down on others) who think differently about what is right and what is wrong - separating ourselves into small groups within groups within organizations.

5. We can find much needed acceptance by keeping the varying list of important things like: Don't ever miss a program and if you come Wed nights you are extra special, listen to the right kind of music, drive a middle class car, always be cheerful even when you are dying inside, don't ask the pastor hard questions, do whatever possible to keep the program running, wear the right kind of clothing, start every prayer with - Dear God, thank you for this beautiful day. Accept the pastor's belief that all other church programs are lesser then yours, this will help keep the program running smoothly definitely help you gain acceptance.

6. Faith is not needed. We don't have to take the risk of believing in the supernatural.

7. Humility is not needed. Once we're saved we can make it on our own simply by holding on to godly principles.

Fear quietly motivates us to seek information - or at least stay away from our heart.

Fear constricts, separates and causes division. It often leads to assumption. I've found it keeps me from seeking out truth and sincerely desiring to understand people and situations. It shrouds and intimidates. It causes us to categorize things into nice boxes that we try to control. There are many physical side effects to negative emotions - especially fear. Fear (and other emotions) is generally a manifestation of what the heart believes (because of what it has experienced), regardless of what the brain understands to be true.

The only reason I know the above to be true is because of my own research and experience.  As one who has dealt with severe fear issues I've also experience its fruit.  Digestion tract disorders, ulcers and tight muscles are said to be side effects of fear.  I've dealt with forms of each of those.

When we leave our heart untouched and choose to live in our mind - we miss reality and walk in real danger.

A person can have a Master's in Clinical Counseling and yet be in deep need of counseling themselves. A person can have the highest IQ and yet waste his life on drugs, etc.

We live in the age of information and our problems are only getting worse. Information isn't the answer and neither is knowing about God. Certainly - seeking the difference between good and evil is not helping anyone - it doesn't give us the strength to choose - only Love can do that.

To Live or to Die

Its better to feel pain then nothing at all.

But we all get to choose whether we will live or die while we walk this earth.

And as we all should know, we live among the walking dead.


Out of the heart are the issues of life - Jesus.

Q and A about the life of the Partridge

Q: What do you call it when a Partridge is found in the middle of the forest with a friend, happily eating peaches and pears?

A: A pair of party partridges on a picnic

And when the pair of party partridges in the middle of the forest get bugged by flying pest from a nearby nest, its called a 'peachy pair of party partridges on a pesty picnic.

Now when a party partridge on a peachy picnic gets pestered by flying pest from a nearby nest, no one really cares about peaches or pears because the pests thinks its theirs.  And these pests aren't normal, their really a mess and just couldn't care less, for partridges on picnics who don't like pests. But peaches and pairs - oh, what do you know, their eyes begin to stare, and suddenly their noses are all up in the air. Not far is the nest of these nasty little pest and suddenly they swarm, like wind from the west - smelling the peaches and pears that the partridges left.

When this happens its called: A pair of party partridges on a pesty fruitless picnic sadly peering through the swarm of pests who are proudly eating what is left.

Hand Sanitizer & Religion

Hand Sanitizer and religion have some unique similarities.

1. It's what people use when they get scared.
2. With prolonged use your immune system becomes severely damaged.
3. It kills 99.99% of everything - both good and bad.
4. It's one more thing to use to protect yourself from evil.
5 It's quick and easy and doesn't take much Faith.
6. Usually used with good intentions.
7. You find yourself urging friends and family to use it - for their protection.
8. Dissolves very quickly once out of its bottle (or box) and leaves a nasty smell.
9. Doesn't solve 100% of anything.
10.For external use only.

Information will never change our hearts unless it leads to an experience.

Won't you let Me love you more - this is all that I desire. Jesus

Unless Your light shines on the motives of my heart, I can't truly repent. If not for Your light my heart would remain rooted in selfishness & fear.

Truth?

We'll push people out of the way as we build programs and organizations.

We'll claim to hold to the truth - and then in the name of truth turn and run over the very people that the truth was meant to bring freedom to.

And you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free - Jesus

Oppinions

... are usually me using my natural human reasoning to come to my natural conclusions without the leadership of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Where there is no surrender there is no Redemption.

Religious systems based in human oppinions are lifeless because there is no surrender being lived out - except for the surrender of our flesh to a nice looking list of values that our flesh can adhere to. Let's all make our flesh look nice, shall we?

There are many Nonchristions who have higher and more consistant morals then many Christians. They don't live double lives - they understand the value of being authentic.

Steps for a price

5 steps is what we like - its something I can get right

Often its me spinning my wheels with Satan nipping at my heels.

Is it worth the cost? Can I save what I haven't lost?

Often its just us on own - living our life on His throne.

But 5 steps may be right - if they're led by Him as I walk in His light.

Repentance - the big R

We have been taught to ask; have we repented? Maybe a better question is: are we repenting? Maybe repentance doesn't have a lot to do with words or appearence. Maybe its more about a life style that is dependant on the conviction and grace of the Holy spirit - an on going surrender of ourselves, even our oppinions.

Destiny #2

Destiny could also be called obedience or stewardship. Its realizing that when we stand before God we will have to give an account to Him for how we lived. If we fail to pursue the dreams God has placed in our heart we will never walk the road that will take us closest to the Lord. The Lord has given each of us unique abilities and desires and unless we develop them we will be deemed unfaithful stewards.

Many organizations and Churches contain a group of people who have placed their trust in a list of right beliefs. Beliefs that separate them from other organizations and Churches. For most people, pursuing their dreams means to disappoint at least a handful of people - the same people who have trusted in right beliefs and never pursued their own destinies.

We have to choose between pleasing people or our heavenly father. This is one of the most basic choices in our growing up and taking responsibility process - much less persuing our destiny.

Destiny

The sad thing about living from your head is that you totally miss the dreams God placed in your heart. Its kinda like most of you becomes locked in a prison and it feels like there is no way out - mostly due to the fact that it doesn't feel safe to walk in the light - which takes away the ability to have real fellowship - and we don't ever grow up.

The truth is that we allow ourselves to be manipulated by fear. And instead of developing a culture where its ok to have problems, share them and walk in the light the blood of Jesus can't cleanse us of our sin and we get stuck with a nice looking list.

Our destiny will never be reached unless we find others to walk with. The call of God on your life can never be fullfilled on your own. But its no fun confessing to people who try to fix you and give you all kinds of nice answers, especially from people who believe they have no sin - making them a liar (according to 1st John). We got to be in this thing together.

Hey - What If?

What if everyone one of us had places in our heart that the Lord wants to redeem but can't because its full of hard, religious, unrelational conviction?

If the light (what we think is light) that is in us be darkness - how great is that darkness - Jesus

Religion - me simply trying to keep a nice moral list - often keeps the life of Jesus from flowing through us. We think we are right, and so there is no redemption for us because we don't think we need it. Faith then becomes a theology that doesn't really affect our actions, except to live a nice looking life and go to church every Sunday.

I didn't come to save the righteous - Jesus.

Emotions not limited to thoughts...

I need to try to express myself tonight - its normal and yet completely strange (what I'm experiencing). Some are afraid of feelings because... we'll some people are mostly just afraid - maybe they've seen Mr Self Seeking go down a path that scared them and now they are reacting to the person that scared them instead of seeking the One who is LIFE.
As I was saying - right now I'm in a season where the fire of the love of the Lord is burning in my heart - literally. Do I know what is happening - not really. I just know that I want what Adam and Eve lost - what Jesus came to restore - fellowship with a live person in the form of a very real - very powerful - very gentle Spirit. As the word says - God is a Spirit just as much as He is person.

As a primary motive - some seek information - some seek safety - some seek to be correct - some seek wisdom - some seek feelings - some seek signs and wonders. Some seek our Father God - who is a person and who is the very source of Life itself - not to mention, Love.

We were created with a God size hole that can only be filled with His Love called LIFE. And a river of this stuff flows from His throne.

Your Face Lord will I seek - that I may dwell in Your Presence forever - whether I feel it or not - I want to know You as you are - a very complete person who is the very fountain of life. You are someone who understands what happened to us at the fall - where we all fell even before we were born - as the David says in the bible; I was born in sin.

The cross worked into our hearts brings ongoing restoration of fellowship with God, resulting in a deepening freedom.

You may have began with salvation and now live with a list of dos and donts - (I still do) - But I know that God wants to replace our list with Himself. He's not interested in whether you get it right or not, granted every decision bears fruit - we all know that - but what the law could not do - Jesus did. Yet we take the new testament and make a law out of that rather then learning how to give our hearts to the One who died to be with us - right now - in our hearts - the kingdom of God is within us and does not come with observation - Jesus says this to us Pharisees - those of us who make the outside of the cup look 'sooo nice'.

...out of the heart are the issues of life so lets face our motives and get beyond our minds.

Frank - Part 1 - Age 6 - 10. Fear.

...living in foreign country like China had its pros and cons. As a 6 year old living in the woods was fun, not to mention having the fun of dealing with the pigs, roosters and rats. Frank's family moved to China from the States when he was 6. Fifth in a family of 7 kids, he loved going with his family on the occasional weekend trip to the quiet beach a mere 2 hours drive from their outpost in southern China.
Although 4 of his 5 siblings(the youngest had died from a rare disease soon after birth) had moved with his family from the States, and Frank found himself very lonely more then he wanted to admit. There was the Scotts family who were neighboring missionaries, and Frank had a lot of fun in the woods with their son Sam. But something wasn't right. Occasionally Frank would find himself alone, up high in a tree fort his older brothers had built, wanting very badly to run away but never sure where he'd go. It was like he didn't fit in to his own family, or maybe he just didn't belong. Was he wanted? Dad was busy traveling, speaking and helping the poor. Mom was going through the shock of living in what seemed to be another world, and Frank's older siblings all seemed to be busy with either some kind of schooling or helping Dad.
Although kind hearted, Dad had an anger problem. Frank never really cared whether Dad was home or not, either way there really wasn't much of a relationship with him. It didn't matter, Frank was mostly afraid of Dad anyway. Every time he did something wrong he got deathly afraid of Dad's anger.
It was confusing though. His family would go on weekend trips to the beach, have "family time" every morning and ALWAYS went to church. Dad was a well respected leader and Frank learned to look good with the rest of his family, but something was still very wrong. Frank was afraid and wanted to run. He didn't belong and he wasn't sure he was wanted.
Books became a safe world to escape to. As a family who had decided to home school, the Scotts had lots of books they managed to bring from the States. Frank's favorite was the Bobsey Twins. He loved the mysteries, the adventure and simply entering into another realm.
To make matters worse,there was a recurring dream that tormented him. It was as though he would enter a dark, lonely place completely void of people. He would find himself on top of a huge steel ball hanging from a chain, swinging slowing back and forth. The only way he could go anywhere was to jump to the next ball hanging from a chain. To fall meant certain death, but the whole dream always felt like death. He would wake up shaking with fear.
Frank developed a love for the woods and the river which was only a 5 minute walk from his house. It was a place that he felt he could go and things would be OK. He loved the animals. He learned to know what was dangerous and what was safe. He spent hours fishing, skipping rocks and just sitting and watching the critters. Somehow he felt understood there in the quietness.

How do you fill the Ocean?

One drop at a time...

Who told us we need to get it all right at once?

Is that who you are? The real you - the one that feels good about needing to be right?

Is it so hard to simply know the part that you know? The part that fits 'you' and when something else is revealed that resonates with something deep inside you - you simply say yes and add it to the truth you already know about you.

It could be that we don't know our heart because no one else knows it. Its not safe to show it. And we can only KNOW AS WE ARE KNOWN (1 Cor 13). Its out of our heart the mouth speaks and out of the heart are the issues of life.

Giving in to the unhealthy expectations of others cuts us off from the reality of who we are - both the good and the twisted part of our identity. Spending a significant amount of time in surroundings where its not safe to be you is most often very damaging to the physical health of people -not to mention spiritually.

So it certainly follows that the opposite is likewise true. Giving in to the healthy expectations of others helps us get in touch with who we are created to be. And spending time in an enviroment where its safe to try and fail - an enviroment of practical grace where you are reconized as being unique and human and allowed to have problems - suddenly creates healthy movement.

I have experienced significant levels of both sides. The difference is LIFE CHANGING to say the least.
It will take a stack of truth about us in order to face the next dip or climb the mountain of our destiny.

I'm starting a blog!

I have no idea how to do a blog but I'm doing it anyway - because its fun and I wanna speak, even more; I want to orgainize my thoughts and get them on paper while leaving a testimony behind me - a pathway of sorts.

I'm on  a journey - hopefully in a few years I will look back and say - thank God I've learned some things since then. Hopefully I will have loosened up - and be able to have even more fun writing because I have less and less of a point to prove and more and more of a God given destiny to live into - that fits perfectly and brings freedom, and joy to my heart and many, many others.

But for now - it will probably be me trying to prove a point about how damaging religion is because that is what is most fresh in my heart and what hurts the most.

One day - I won't have to prove a point - I can simply love.

If you (reader) happen to learn something from my crazy life - then cheers to you!