Have you noticed the difference between the information you know in your head and what your heart believes? As I mentioned in the last post - all our previous experiences directly affect our ability to relate well to people in our current circumstances. The more we understand this and find healing, the more free we become. And the less we foolishly rationalize and avoid opportunities for personal growth.
Example
I spent 2+ years as a counselor at a camp for boys who were unable to function normally in a school setting due to an emotional handicap of some form. As far as I could tell, each of the guys that were their did not receive a healthy amount of love as young children, and were now struggling to sort through the void in their hearts.
There was one boy in my group that seemed to struggle more then usual with relationships. He had been diagnosed with R.A.D. (reactive attachment disorder). I found out that he had been in the foster care program for many years. He was 16 when he joined our group, a very smart kid who was a whiz with numbers. He also had an amazing memory. If I'm remembering these numbers correctly, he had been in the foster care program for roughly 7 years and had been in more then 15 different homes. RAD means that when you begin to form a relational attachment with someone, you react and intentionally damage the relationship. So here's what would happen - when I would begin to spend time/have fun with this boy, and our relationship would begin to deepen, he would intentionally do something to hurt me as a way to distance himself from me.
There was one boy in my group that seemed to struggle more then usual with relationships. He had been diagnosed with R.A.D. (reactive attachment disorder). I found out that he had been in the foster care program for many years. He was 16 when he joined our group, a very smart kid who was a whiz with numbers. He also had an amazing memory. If I'm remembering these numbers correctly, he had been in the foster care program for roughly 7 years and had been in more then 15 different homes. RAD means that when you begin to form a relational attachment with someone, you react and intentionally damage the relationship. So here's what would happen - when I would begin to spend time/have fun with this boy, and our relationship would begin to deepen, he would intentionally do something to hurt me as a way to distance himself from me.
It doesn't take a genius to understand that because of his past experience in and out of foster homes, this young man believed in his heart that if he didn't damage the relationships himself, the other person would. So keeping himself distant from others was a way to keep his heart from getting hurt - and it seemed that there was no amount of reasoning that could change this.
I see many of my own issues are the same in principal as those of the boy's issues mentioned above. And I watch it played out on daily basis in the lives of others as well.
I see many of my own issues are the same in principal as those of the boy's issues mentioned above. And I watch it played out on daily basis in the lives of others as well.
In A Nutshell
Information alone (what we understand in our minds) does not change what we believe in our hearts,
Information without experience is just as incomplete as experience without information.
Our perspective on how growth and change happens is lacking.
Our Educational System
Our Personal Lives
When we face hard circumstances - our focus tends to shift toward the mistakes of others, instead of considering the potential for the hard circumstances to build the internal strength and courage that we will need as part of our normal life skills. If I can't move toward responding honorably to conflict, then 'I'm the one' who has a problem.
Otherwise (if I don't take responsibility for my actions), I'm now a victim and I have no hope of overcoming - forgiving - or becoming free. The deeper our pain/healing, the greater power/authority and true freedom we have.
Otherwise (if I don't take responsibility for my actions), I'm now a victim and I have no hope of overcoming - forgiving - or becoming free. The deeper our pain/healing, the greater power/authority and true freedom we have.
We live in the 'Information Age' and it doesn't seem to be getting us anywhere. There's a number of us (just a few short of most of the world) who subconsciously are avoiding what is in our hearts, and the circumstances we need to walk through to strengthen and change us. We're less interested in our own emotional freedom/responsibility and more interested in easy safety, power, our dreams, control or the quick fix. And an emphasis on 'right theology' has now taken the place of 'healthy relationships'. Fear will continue to move us away from heart issues unless its dealt with.
If we don't become personally responsible, we begin to lose our freedoms. We can blame others all we want, and as a result never amount to impacting our world - much less developing fun, healthy relationships.
Here's another way to say it. If someone sees a butterfly struggling to get out of its cocoon and helps it out - allowing it to avoid the hard struggle of breaking free, it won't be strong enough to fly and will die. If we keep avoiding the tough circumstances in our lives, we will never become all that we were created to be. Freedom is primarily something inside of us, it is not based on our circumstances but in our heart - or our ability to respond freely to the hard circumstances.
I think most of us are caterpillars crawling around, waiting to become a butterfly (realize our destiny). But we never grow wings because we are unwilling to let God use hard circumstances to reveal what has not yet been redeemed in our hearts. And so we will not walk in freedom because we won't face our pain, fears, and every thing else that comes to the surface during hard times. And if we don't face these things, we never really turn to Him because we really don't need the healing and redemption that Jesus offers us by His death on the cross.
In Deuteronomy chapter 7, Moses is giving instructions to Israel on how to take over the land that the Lord is giving them. In verse 1 he mentions 7 nations that are 'larger and stronger' then Israel. Later in verse 22 he says that the Lord will drive them out 'little by little' - you will not be allowed to eliminate them all once or the wild animals will multiply around you.
The lies in our heart are replaced with the Truth that brings freedom in similar way. Walking out our redemption, by following Jesus and allowing Him to use our every day circumstances to reveal the lies in our hearts that He wants to set us free from, can be exciting. But it's not something we can do on our own very well - we need other's around us to help us keep perspective and to see through the 'smoke and mirrors'.
