Frank - Part 1 - Age 6 - 10. Fear.

...living in foreign country like China had its pros and cons. As a 6 year old living in the woods was fun, not to mention having the fun of dealing with the pigs, roosters and rats. Frank's family moved to China from the States when he was 6. Fifth in a family of 7 kids, he loved going with his family on the occasional weekend trip to the quiet beach a mere 2 hours drive from their outpost in southern China.
Although 4 of his 5 siblings(the youngest had died from a rare disease soon after birth) had moved with his family from the States, and Frank found himself very lonely more then he wanted to admit. There was the Scotts family who were neighboring missionaries, and Frank had a lot of fun in the woods with their son Sam. But something wasn't right. Occasionally Frank would find himself alone, up high in a tree fort his older brothers had built, wanting very badly to run away but never sure where he'd go. It was like he didn't fit in to his own family, or maybe he just didn't belong. Was he wanted? Dad was busy traveling, speaking and helping the poor. Mom was going through the shock of living in what seemed to be another world, and Frank's older siblings all seemed to be busy with either some kind of schooling or helping Dad.
Although kind hearted, Dad had an anger problem. Frank never really cared whether Dad was home or not, either way there really wasn't much of a relationship with him. It didn't matter, Frank was mostly afraid of Dad anyway. Every time he did something wrong he got deathly afraid of Dad's anger.
It was confusing though. His family would go on weekend trips to the beach, have "family time" every morning and ALWAYS went to church. Dad was a well respected leader and Frank learned to look good with the rest of his family, but something was still very wrong. Frank was afraid and wanted to run. He didn't belong and he wasn't sure he was wanted.
Books became a safe world to escape to. As a family who had decided to home school, the Scotts had lots of books they managed to bring from the States. Frank's favorite was the Bobsey Twins. He loved the mysteries, the adventure and simply entering into another realm.
To make matters worse,there was a recurring dream that tormented him. It was as though he would enter a dark, lonely place completely void of people. He would find himself on top of a huge steel ball hanging from a chain, swinging slowing back and forth. The only way he could go anywhere was to jump to the next ball hanging from a chain. To fall meant certain death, but the whole dream always felt like death. He would wake up shaking with fear.
Frank developed a love for the woods and the river which was only a 5 minute walk from his house. It was a place that he felt he could go and things would be OK. He loved the animals. He learned to know what was dangerous and what was safe. He spent hours fishing, skipping rocks and just sitting and watching the critters. Somehow he felt understood there in the quietness.

How do you fill the Ocean?

One drop at a time...

Who told us we need to get it all right at once?

Is that who you are? The real you - the one that feels good about needing to be right?

Is it so hard to simply know the part that you know? The part that fits 'you' and when something else is revealed that resonates with something deep inside you - you simply say yes and add it to the truth you already know about you.

It could be that we don't know our heart because no one else knows it. Its not safe to show it. And we can only KNOW AS WE ARE KNOWN (1 Cor 13). Its out of our heart the mouth speaks and out of the heart are the issues of life.

Giving in to the unhealthy expectations of others cuts us off from the reality of who we are - both the good and the twisted part of our identity. Spending a significant amount of time in surroundings where its not safe to be you is most often very damaging to the physical health of people -not to mention spiritually.

So it certainly follows that the opposite is likewise true. Giving in to the healthy expectations of others helps us get in touch with who we are created to be. And spending time in an enviroment where its safe to try and fail - an enviroment of practical grace where you are reconized as being unique and human and allowed to have problems - suddenly creates healthy movement.

I have experienced significant levels of both sides. The difference is LIFE CHANGING to say the least.
It will take a stack of truth about us in order to face the next dip or climb the mountain of our destiny.

I'm starting a blog!

I have no idea how to do a blog but I'm doing it anyway - because its fun and I wanna speak, even more; I want to orgainize my thoughts and get them on paper while leaving a testimony behind me - a pathway of sorts.

I'm on  a journey - hopefully in a few years I will look back and say - thank God I've learned some things since then. Hopefully I will have loosened up - and be able to have even more fun writing because I have less and less of a point to prove and more and more of a God given destiny to live into - that fits perfectly and brings freedom, and joy to my heart and many, many others.

But for now - it will probably be me trying to prove a point about how damaging religion is because that is what is most fresh in my heart and what hurts the most.

One day - I won't have to prove a point - I can simply love.

If you (reader) happen to learn something from my crazy life - then cheers to you!